


Grief

by alxnso



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:18:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2661737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alxnso/pseuds/alxnso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn't about Lewis and Nico anymore. It's just all about Lewis, and Nico hates it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grief

The more Nico watches Lewis on the podium, the way he interacts with the team, his hands curl into fists and his jaw clenches. He knows he should have won this by the way he angrily spins around and pushes past his team colleagues, striding towards his trailer and slamming the door shut. There, he spends more than a couple of hours on the floor sobbing into his arms and praying that nobody notices he's missing. He thinks about all the times they had at the start of the season. They'd stand together and think the race strategy through together. The team would ask him what he thought. Now though, they stand apart from each other, thinking about things on their own. Never sharing their thoughts. Toto would try in vain to offer his counselling skills, but neither of them wished to engage together. Finally, his tears subside and he lifts his head to find 2 missed calls on his phone. They're from Lewis and he wants to cry again - the calls were made hours ago and Lewis obviously doesn't care enough to call him again and he's probably _utterly pissed_ by now. Slowly, Nico pulls himself to his feet and rubs his eyes. It doesn't really matter to him that it's blindingly obvious he's been crying and in the back of his mind, he hopes someone cares enough to just ask him if he's okay. They're supposed to care about him, too.

He's walking relatively quickly, having been texted the location of the party and he convinces himself that turning up to just congratulate Lewis won't be so bad and then he can just _go home_. He has a hard time doing this considering how long he left it to actually drag himself out of his trailer. Eventually, he's at the bar door, standing there like some kind of idiot clearly waiting for the door fairy to come and open the door for him. A couple of minutes later and he's finally worked up the courage to pull the door open and step inside the building. There is limited lighting as he lingers in the doorway, hoping for someone to notice him and greet him and show him the way to Lewis. Soon though, his wish comes true as Toto bounds up to the door and beams at him.

"I'm so glad you finally turned up!" Nico thinks he sounds way too chipper talking to a man who just lost out to his teammate.

"Thank you." He shifts slightly and looks back up at Toto. "Where's Lewis? I want to make this quick. Don't want to -" Nico trails off and scuffs his shoes on the gritty carpet. _Be a pain? Ruin it for his teammate?_

"Sure." Toto ignores the latter part of Nico's wish and awkwardly steps in front of him to lead him to where Lewis is currently doing shots. Nico finds it utterly insane and wishes for the life of him that he could just get out of here and go home. He feels slightly sick watching Lewis down the little cups of coloured alcohol with Adrian, grinning like an idiot. He almost wants to ask how Adrian even got in here but he sort of knows and decides to keep his ignorance on the matter. Slowly but surely, the smile falls from Lewis' face as he notices Nico standing awkwardly alongside Toto and fiddling with his fingers. He stands up, whispering something to Adrian and almost struts towards Nico.

"This looks cosy." Nico scoffs, beginning to feel more confident already. "I don't actually remember recieving my invite."

"You didn't need an invite you idiot. You're part of the team."

"It doesn't feel like it." Nico goes back to scuffing his feet on the ground and his hands fall to his side. Gradually, Lewis' smile returns to his face and he leans back on his right foot, feeling very relaxed with the situation.

"Adrian's my new boyfriend. That's how he got here." Lewis pauses. "I saw you scowling at him before." 

"Congratulations. Really."

"What for? Being a world class idiot or for Adrian?" Lewis watches a small smile form on Nico's face and Lewis feels satisfied. "I don't want you to hate me or be jealous or - "

"It isn't your fault." Nico sighs loudly. "It isn't. Truly, I'm glad you won. I just hate how the team have cast me aside so suddenly!" Lewis doesn't know what to say. His stare bores through Nico and he wishes they could just go back to how they were before, at the start of the season. "I just came here to congratulate you, that's all. I'm going now."

"Stay with us." Lewis' puppy eyes make a brief appearance and Nico laughs. He ignores his plea, however, and walks towards the door before casting a quick wave to Adrian, in the hope that he won't hate him too much. As he steps outside, the cold late night air hits him harshly and he instinctively pulls his coat tightly around him. Heading towards his trailer, anyone who is watching closely enough will notice his hands trembling and a couple of small tears falling down his face - but nobody is. Nobody ever is.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading !!


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